Posted by: Johan Normark | June 8, 2009

2012: Prophet of nonsense #6: “Apocalypse porn” – Chicxulub and the return of the plumed serpent

I had planned to create my own prophecy of nonsense hoax by relating the Chicxulub impact crater in northwest Yucatan (which contributed to the extinction of major Late Cretaceous fauna) to the 2012 date. However, someone has already indirectly done this (and I am not sure if he/she means what is written or if it is a hoax in itself). Perhaps the Nibiru proponents already have made the association between Chicxulub and 2012 but I have not even bothered reading more on those “theories”.

Anyway, at Apocalypseporn one can read this: “The ancient Mayans believed that the year 2012 would hail the return of Quetzalcoatl, a creator deity who was thought to integrate both the sky and the earth. The word literally translates as Plumed Serpent. The name Quetzalcoatl is a combination of quetzalli, a brightly feathered Mesoamerican bird, and coatl, meaning serpent. Interestingly, the Quetzal male performs an elaborate mating ritual of catapulting downwards, displaying his long and spectacular tail which is normally twice as long as his body. This action is reminiscent of the appearance of a comet in the sky, with its spectacular tailing stream of combusted gases and matter. Quetzalcoatl was thought to be instrumental in the repeated creation and destruction of the world. According to Mayan myth, Quetzalcoatl breathed life into the dead who had perished after the falling of the fourth sun. The fifth cycle of life ,which he had indeed propagated, he also can take away. As the fifth great cycle (long count) draws to an end (12/21/2012), it signifies the end of the Pleiadies or the Platonic year, the year in which the precession if the equinoxes will occur and the galactic gate will once again be opened. Through this portal in space-time, Quetzalcoatl will return as a cosmic serpent, a massive meteor entering the atmosphere to catastrophically clear the slate (tabula rasa) and begin the new age by transporting the seeds life from afar to the scarred surface of our neglected world. And thus, the cycle begins anew and the evolutionary pattern recomposes itself from the remains of the cosmic dust left behind.”

Once again, these prophets of nonsense conflate mythologies from the Classic period Maya area with those from the Postclassic Aztec area (critical assessment of historical sources are not the greatest strengths of these prophets, but then I believe they believe they think on a “greater” or “higher” level). Quetzalcoatl is an Aztec deity (Kukulkan is seen as the Maya version of this deity). However, this deity is not present in the Maya area until the Postclassic. There are serpents in earlier iconography, such as the so-called vision serpents, but some of them have, however, turned out to be centipedes. In any case, the Long Count calendar was created in the centuries before Christ, looong before any plumed serpents from Central Mexico made their entrance into the Maya lowlands (that is, even before Teotihuacan influence).

And once again, there are no five cycles in Classic period Maya cosmology (maybe in Late Postclassic Maya cosmology). Sure, Popol Vuh (the early Colonial Kiche Maya creation account) mentions earlier creations of people (wooden people, mud people, etc.). Either this can be attributed to Central Mexican influence or it is the remains of earlier beliefs from the Maya area. If it is the latter, it still does not imply the existence of four earlier creations (of a Long Count length, 5125 years). Together with the current cycle this would be nearly 26000 years, or the Platonic year (the precession of the equinoxes). This, I believe is originally John Major Jenkins ideas that have infected much of the 2012 nonsense.

The astronomers S. V. M (Victor) Clube and William Napier are mentioned by the blogger at Apocalypseporn since they claim that major changes in human history have been affected by recurrent meteor impacts or encounters with comet tails (the “coherent catastrophism” theory). Such ideas are not based in any contextual archaeological evidence. However, the author of Apocalypseporn find these arguments convincing and argues that Quetzalcoatl will return in the form of a massive meteor and kill us all and life has to start from scratch (apparently a new life as well, from some other dimension I assume). Here is another evidence of grave misunderstandings of scientific research and this concerns the Late Cretaceous event. Even if the Chicxulub meteor was the ultimate cause for the mass extinction, life did not start from scratch after this event. The mammals that filled the ecological niches after the non-avian dinosaurs disappeared had been around for as long as the dinosaurs, birds had already filled many of the ecological niches earlier occupied by smaller pterosaurs and continued with this after the impact, etc.

The blogger at Apocalypseporn does not directly relate the Chicxulub crater itself (which formed 65,500,000 +/- 300,000 years BC) with the Maya calendar so I can probably create my own hoax anyway. It should not be so difficult, Just take the Long Count cycle of 5125 years, multiply with 20, 400 or 8000 (the Maya used a vigesimal system, based on 20). If multiplied with 8000 you get 41,000,000. Then you have to come up with how we should divide the remaining years so they fit the Long Count  calendar. If we multiply 12 with (5125×400) we get 24,600,000 years. If we add this with our previous calculation we end up at 65,600,000 years BC (within the estimated range). Then we need to find an argument why we should use 12 rather than 13. One can take the quadripartite world (number 4) and multiply it with the center of the world (number 3). The logic? It is because the meteor impacted the center of the world where the Maya decided to settle 65 million years later!

Of course, the ancient Maya knew about this catastrophe and very cleverly they concealed it in their myths, architecture, and art. My new model will give new exciting interpretations to Mayanist research. Since the Maya had such an accurate precision in their calculation we will also have an exact date for the impact as well. So, all those geologists and paleontologists attempting to date the mass extinction, look in the Maya calendar and its prophecies. There you find the answers to all your questions.

Advertisements

Responses

  1. Well, you COULD do that hoax of course. It’s very ‘believable”. But don’t you think it’s kind of like reporting on how magicians do their tricks if you tell HOW you do the hoax?
    I think you should use 13 instead of 12. Twelve will just confuse things more. Thirteen rules! Then subtract the leftovers – I notice the stelae at Coba are very eroded and impossible to read- I’m pretty sure they record the EXACT number to subtract.

  2. Yes, I give away the trick here. However, by using 13 instead of 12 adds another 2 million years and then we are 67 million years BC, way before the impact. There is one way to get around this problem. Let’s say that the calendar does not end on 13 Baktun, but goes all the way to 20 Baktun (1 Piktun or 7885 years) and that most other cycles used 20 rather than 13 we should notice that the Kalabtun accounts for 157,700 years and that the K’inchiltun lasts 3,154,004 years and most fantastic of all, the Alautun lasts 63,080,082 years. This is how many years before 3113 BC the impact occured. It gives us the date of 63,083,095 BC! This shows the exact date of the Chicxulub impact and the extinction of dinosaurs!!! Ignore the scientific datings. This is it, because by numerology you can show how everything is related. Call CNN, Fox News, Letterman, Oprah, the word of this groundbreaking research must be spread.

  3. No, I really think you are making a mistake here. Because if baktuns come in 20s instead of 13s you would kill the whole goose that’s laying the golden egg. Can’t you just trim his feathers and let him live?

  4. You are right. I will have to shape the world’s history so that it fits the calendar, not the other way around. So, the dinousaurs and Chicxulub occured 41 million years ago then? That must be correct? The Maya cannot be wrong?

  5. Scientists care about the numerical details like 25,000 years or 157,700 years, and for them you would have to tune your hoax to seem “correct”. And even then they would probably not believe you – you just can’t please them.
    But … the rest of us will fall for anything. You can just drop that stray 2 million years from your sentence. No one will notice. Just say “the Maya knew that the last creation ended with the Chicxulub crater, and they predicted this one will end on 12/21/12.” See, I already convinced myself! Now was that so hard?

  6. No, it was not hard. However, there are even more complexities to the story and here I reveal even more exciting discoveries. I know that some palaeontologists/geologists (read Chatterjee) believe that the Chicxulub meteor actually split in at least two parts before it hit the Earth. The other, and perhaps larger, struck India (the Shiva crater outside Mumbai). Now, two meteors struck areas near where Indians nowadays live (in India and Mexico). So, Columbus must have known about this when he called people of the Americas Indians. Therefore, there is also ample evidence that an ancient European knowledge about the Chicxulub/Shiva event and the extinction of dinosaurs existed (what else are the European firespitting Medieval dragons but a combination of the fire in the sky and the dinosaurs themselves?). This probably means that the memory of these impacts have been genetically preserved in mammals and only now they are brought back to life, just in time for us to prepare ourselves for the 2012 encounter with Planet X!!! Far fetched? I do not think so…

  7. […] 2012: Prophet of nonsense #6: “Apocalypse porn” – Chicxulub and … […]


Categories

%d bloggers like this: